Based on an old irish saying.. An irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto a blade of grass and never falls from the earth...
An Irishman is never Drunk
Holy Hannah its Monday, Im tired as one can be
Don’t wanna work, wanna stay in bed and dream dream dream
But me ol lady gives a shove… right outta me nice warm bed
Its off to work for the boss’s demands weighing on me head
Sellin cheap crap at-an-elevated price to some un-suspecting bloke
For a profit that would make a decent man simply choke
All I wanna do is fly this coop and to the pub is where Ill head
Saddle up to the bar and drink my fill Til the barkeep thinks im Dead… :
CAUSE… An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold
onto a single blade of grass and he never never falls
right up into the air y’know and off the face of the earth
___________ So take a drink and celebrate like it’s the day o’ yer birth .
So I stumble home and what do ye know the wifes she’s steamin mad
I forgot that she was making supper for her dear ol Mom & Dad
Well I-really-never took a shine to neither of those blasted two
Cause shes a whore and hes a bore and he talks until Im blue
SOs I sneak a nip from me trusty canteen that I store in me sock drawer
Its not a sin, I can tell ye plain that’s what god made liquor for
I had enough of this blah blah blah and I stand up straight and tall
HEY INLAWS ya can kiss my arse as I start a drunken brawl .
So she threw me out, oh what a shock, I was as nice as I could be
Its not my fault that her sense o’ humor died when she was but a teen
So I rambled down to the corner pub where me pals were hanging out
And I tells me woes and they slap me back and say that’s what liquors for!!!
So they order me a pint and then some shots. Lined all across the bar
And we lift em up and shoot em down Yelling out a pirate YARRRRR
I says to the bartender Paddy “Did ye think I pushed me luck too far??
With a laugh he says “Hell ye did lad” setting up more shots on the bar.
So late late in the morning I stumble down the alley all the way back home
I canna be quiet cause im really messed up soaked right to the bones
I sneak in the back and step on the cat it makes a awful SQUEEAAALLL
Then the missus comes out with a Bat in er hand and a thunk is all I feel
I wake up with my head on fire and blood coming out of me nose
She left me in the night, packed up her bags with all of her clothes
Tears well up in both me eyes because of what ive done to make her to go
If was that easy, I shouldve done many many years ago!